How sexual violence became normalised (and how you can help stop it)

Sexual violence isn’t just something that happens in a dark alley or a dramatic movie scene. It’s way more common, and it’s happening in environments many of us are part of — our schools, parties, online, in relationships, and even between friends. 

It’s not just about a few ‘bad guys’ doing the wrong thing. It’s about a culture we’ve all grown up in — a culture that makes it easier for some people to ignore consent and harder for others to speak up when they’ve been hurt.

Think of the rape jokes sent around in group chats, the way athletes are sexualised and objectified, and how people sometimes talk about sleeping with people like they’re just tallies on a board. These things might seem small on their own, but together they build a culture where sexual violence is ignored, downplayed, or straight-up normalised.

This stuff isn’t always comfortable to think or talk about. It involves looking inwards at the ways we might have personally contributed to this culture. It can be uncomfortable, but that’s exactly why we need to start. 

If we want to be better — better friends, partners, teammates, and people — then we need to understand how these issues play out around us and how we can be part of the solution.

To understand how we got here, picture a pyramid. 

What you see at the top of the pyramid and plastered across the news at alarming rates — things like serious sexual assault — doesn’t just emerge out of nowhere.   

At the bottom of the pyramid, there are everyday attitudes and behaviours that seem ‘harmless’ — things like sexist jokes, catcalling, or saying ‘she was asking for it.’ When these aren’t called out, they create the foundation for more explicit acts that constitute sexual assault, like image-based abuse, coercive sex, and stealthing, to happen — what you see on the top levels of the pyramid.

When we ignore someone’s discomfort, share nudes without permission, or joke about sexual assault, we’re not just having a laugh — we’re helping keep that pyramid standing.

Here are the stats. 

In Australia, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men have been sexually assaulted since the age of 15. 

For women aged 18–24, the rate is more than double the national average.

And when it comes to universities, nearly 1 in 3 students have experienced sexual assault, with female and transgender students most affected.

97% of recorded offenders are men. That doesn’t mean all men are bad. It means we all — especially men — need to step up and ask why this keeps happening, and do what we can to change it.

Stomaching the reality that people we know and love have been assaulted can be extremely distressing. It’s also tough to then come to the realisation that, given how common sexual assault is, people we know could have caused this harm. 

It can be really hard to process, and sometimes people don’t realise they’ve been affected until a long time after it happened. And, there are lots of misconceptions about sexual assault that make it hard for us to come to that realisation in the first place. 

Let’s get to the bottom of a few of these misconceptions. 

Misconceptions about sexual assault.

1. Sexual assault is only perpetrated by strangers in dark alleys

In reality, most sexual assaults are committed by someone the person knows. Around 33% are by a partner, and 39% by someone else close. That means telling people not to walk alone at night does very little to actually prevent sexual violence. 

What does help? Recognising warning signs in our friend groups, calling out bad behaviour, and respecting boundaries.

2. People lie about being assaulted all the time

This is one of the most damaging (and untrue) beliefs out there. False reports are extremely rare. In fact, men are 230 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than they are to be falsely accused of it. But because this myth gets repeated so often, it can make people more worried about being accused than about learning how to practise proper consent. That fear distracts from the real issue: how many people are being hurt, and how little justice they often receive.

3. If they didn’t report it straight away, it probably didn’t happen. 

Most people never report at all. Many don’t even fully process what they were subjected to until long after. Why? Because they might be scared of the person who hurt them. Because they feel ashamed. Because the assault took place with someone of the same gender, and they’re not ready to share that. Because they never learned about consent. Or because they’ve been fed the same stereotypes about what “real assault” looks like and don’t think their experience counts. But delayed realisations and reporting is common — and it doesn’t make someone’s experience any less real or serious.

4. Men can’t be assaulted because they always want sex.

This idea is not only false — it’s dangerous. Just like anyone else, men have the right to say no to sex, to change their mind, and to have their boundaries respected. But because society often teaches guys to be constantly ‘up for it,’ it can be really hard for men to speak up when they’ve been hurt. Some might not even realise what happened to them was assault, especially if it didn’t look like what we’re shown in the media.

From talk to action: What you can do

Challenging sexual violence and the attitudes that normalise it doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being willing to learn, to own up when you’ve messed up, and to call out disrespect when you see it. It means becoming part of a consent culture, where everyone has the right to make decisions about their own body and be treated with respect.

Here are a few ways to get started: 

• Call it out when you see it. Whether it’s locker room banter that makes you feel icky or someone blaming a victim, speak up. It doesn’t have to be aggressive — sometimes a simple “not cool” or a knowing look goes a long way.
  
  
• Check your media diet. What are you watching, sharing, or laughing at? Does it treat consent like a joke or show this kind of behaviour as normal?
  
  
• Learn more about consent. Practising consent isn’t just about avoiding harm. It’s about making sure everyone feels safe and respected. Plus, it’s really hot to hear when someone’s into it. Start with our vodcast on consent here. 
  
  
• Talk to your mates. Real change starts with real conversations. If you’re confused, curious, or want to do better — talk about it. You’re definitely not the only one with questions. Our podcasts model those exact conversations.
  
  
• Support victim-survivors. Believe people when they share their story. Listen without judgment. Let them know you’re there to support them.

That pyramid we started with? You can help knock it down. And more importantly, help build something better in its place.