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testimonies

When I was about 14, I was sleeping over at a friends house with a group of boys, and I wasn't even drinking alcohol. When I was asleep, the boys took photos of me naked, which I was completely unaware of until the pictures were sent to me the following week with the message, "If you don't send me nudes, I will send this to everyone in the eastern suburbs." At 14, I was ashamed and embarrassed, and I didn't even want to tell anyone these photos existed, so I stupidly weighed up the options and sent nudes. He then went on to send his friends all the photos anyways. I know now this was blackmail, and I wish I could have just gone to someone without the fear of judgement or blame. To this day, I have anxiety knowing these photos exist because they could ruin everything I've worked so hard for and take away my career. It makes me angry/sad reading these stories about how these boys can go on in life with no consequences and have successful careers when these girls have to live with the constant reminder and stress of these occurrences.

I graduated high school from southern Highlands Christian school, Bowral in 2007 attending from year 7 to year 12. During Sex education class (I don't even think they had the word sex in there) they separated the males from the females. We (the females) had a male teacher of which the only advice he gave into practicing safe sex was for women to 'keep a 20c coin between your knees' word for word I will never forget this statement, he had also told my sisters class this above me and my younger cousins class below me the following year, other than this statement on safe sex the class simply was about how our bodies worked, periods, hormones etc. Nothing whatsoever to do with consent or what to do if you think you're in a bad situation. In year 8 my maths teacher kept me after class (homework not done), after class I was alone in the room with him, he was sitting at his desk in a chair and asked me to sit up on the desk in front of him. I refused as I was wearing the standard sports uniform skirt which is above knee and I even knew then that I wasn't comfortable doing so. After asking me a couple of times and I refused I was sent to the provincials office to be reprimanded and absolutely o questions where asked to the maths teacher either. What Message does this send??? Listen to a MAN regardless if you're feeling exploited, harassed, or bullied, and as a young teenage woman that it is wrong of me to even bring this up or say that I'm uncomfortable if a man is making me feel so - how the fuck was this okay?? In year 12 I was at a party and I started kissing and fooling around, we got undressed and started have intercourse, within a minute I said no around five to six times, maybe more, this was completely ignored I didn't really know what to think but I didn't struggle I just laid there kind of staring trying to understand what was going on, I had said no? But it didn't matter, it wasn't acknowledged after this the boys cousin walked in the room and watched the boy told his cousin that 'she has the best tots I've ever seen' like I wasn't even there, I was just a thing that he was having sex with. I didn't know this was rape. I didn't understand how bad it was until I told my friend the next day, other friends supported me and I understood what had happened but I was also numb I guess. This has affected the way I relate to the opposite sex, it's affected so many relationships in my life and maybe just maybe if that school actually spoke about CONSENT and not just tell women to keep a 20c coin between there legs this wouldn't have happened. I stand with you and I fight for US.

It's only now that I realise I was absolutely taken advantage of by Lauries Boys. Being too drunk at parties and trying to fit in and being taken advantage of. One tried to get me to go down on him, another fingered me. I didn't know any better and I was so embarrassed afterwards. I felt like a 'slut' but now with hindsight I look back and realise that was not ok

I do not want to share information but his school was St. Peter's Lutheran college in Brisbane

A Randwick boy touched my butt when I was getting on a bus after school to go to east gardens -I don't know if it was an accident but it felt like he grabbed it- I did not know who the boy was and just let it go, and I constantly receive dick pics which I do not want and make me feel gross - I am 13 and in year 8 -

I was raped by someone who was also in my year level at school. I trusted this person and would never have had the foresight of this event happening. It has taken years to come to terms with the events that ensued. I refused to even call it for what it was until years after it had occurred. Following the rape, I had to attend school with my perpetrator for my final year, pushing aside the reality of what had really happened. It was almost as if I refused to come to terms with it because I knew if I did, I would be too afraid to face him. And that's exactly what happened once I finally accepted what had truly occurred that night. Every encounter since has ended in me having to leave because of the long lasting impact of the trauma I faced at school. In no way am I blaming his behaviour on my high school. However, I believe high schools should and MUST do better. No one deserves to experience this kind of trauma and be forced to face their perpetrator on the daily following the events while also managing getting an education. Consent is not optional. Consent is the bare minimum that should be in place every time an individual initiates any form of sexual encounter. And no - silence isn't a yes. Anything but an enthusiastic yes is a NO. Any body language that says otherwise shouldn't be ignored. All students should be raised to learn the basics of knowing what is and what isn't acceptable when it comes to sexual behaviours. Because when they don't, what follows causes the other party often unimaginable long lasting trauma, while the perpetrator continues to live unscathed and unaware of their devastating impact. The fact I have chosen to continue to keep this post completely anonymous without the schools name just proves how traumatic it can be. Speaking out 5 years later on the matter is still too painful to let the world know.

When we were 13/14 our friends older brothers/just older guys in general, would buy us alcohol using fake ID's (they were 16/17) and went to similar private schools in the east. We would meet up with them at parks to grab the alcohol before going to gatherings. They would then force us to stay and drink with them - saying they wouldn't give the alcohol to us until we did. Usually, they would get us black out drunk and assault/hook up with us - then leave us in the park. We would have no recollection of ever giving consent but at the time didn't feel it was that off because it 'happened to everyone'. Younger relatives who are still in school say this continues to happen amongst said crowds. This entitlement can only be stopped through educating young privileged men and women around consent, consistently, from THE BEGINNING OF HIGH SCHOOL!!!!

In Yr 9 I was raped by an older male at St Patrick's Dundas and no one other than my close friends believed me because they said I was 'luring him'. I was a child, he was an adult. I was being groomed yet no one said anything. Then in yr 10 I was almost raped again by Marcellin Boy. This Marcelin boy was my best friend at the time but he said that I should've expected it since I went into a room with him by myself. That Marcellin boy is around my age. Then in 2020 another older Marcellin boy took a photo up my skirt on the Sydney light rail.

I was a St Catherines boarder staying at day girl friend's house (1976) and her Scots College brother's friend made me have oral sex. At a ballroom dancing class at Cranbrook, I went to the bathroom and was confronted be a boy who put his hands up my dress and fondled my breasts before I could get away. I was too afraid to say anything then and have never told anyone. That culture was so commonplace and there was nowhere to go anyway. This same culture was in the workplace later as well.

A memory that has never left me was when I was at a small party in year 10, and a guy I knew lifted up my shirt to 'look at my abs' and then shoved his hand down my shorts. I pushed him away and he held my shoulders so tightly and leant me over the pool fully clothed and told me not to push him like that again. Whilst this happened another boy from his school just watched and laughed. I pushed it aside but have never forgotten it 6 years on.

I hate having to be careful. Careful about what I wear out, how much I drink, how I act. Women shouldn't have to be taught how to stay safe and defend themselves. Its guys who need to be taught how to keep their dick in their pants. I was assaulted last year by a guy in my year level. Having to see him everyday in the locker bay, in my classes and all around the school is excruciating. The worst part is I know I'm the only girl he's done this to. I told the school but they didn't do anything. They were more concerned about who I had told because they didn't want the 'gossip' to spread. No consequence. No conversation. Nothing. So let's talk about consent.

I went to Reddam he went to Marcellin. He was my boyfriend and we were both 14 hanging out at his house. He wanted to have sex, I did not. I kept saying no but he never stopped and fully penetrated me until he orgasmed.

Peer pressured to be fingered in a spa surrounded by friends in a game of truth or dare

I went to a Christian school and can't recall much information about the sex education. I don't believe it was too extensive as they only taught anatomy, periods and about the negative affects of pornography. When I finished high school I started dating a guy who continuously sexually assaulted me. On most occasions I was coerced into having sex with him. I was always guilt tripped for not wanting to have sex with him all the time. He wanted to have sex multiple times a day to the point that I was in pain. As time went on I started to gain some control to allow it to not happen as often but I always felt guilty and shamed. He made me feel that because I was in a relationship with him that I owed him sex and that I had to follow through. No technically there were not times that I said no but there were many times that I didn't say yes and/or I did not want to. I find it hard to accept that it is rape and don't tell anyone even my friends and family because I feel shameful because I let it happened. He was my boyfriend. I always felt obligated and he always put me down if I said no. Ongoing consent is not a thing and that needs to be taught in schools. I live with PTSD now and suffer with severe memory loss I don't want anyone else to go through this because they are uneducated on consent.

I never experienced sexual assault personally but during the last few years of high school many of my friends and acquaintances described situations they had been placed in that were undoubtedly non consensual and instances of sexual assault. One grammar boy tried to finger multiple girls at parties and he gained a bit of a reputation for being a creep. He also forced my friend to perform oral sex on him at a party. He is still very much present in the social scene, he hasn't faced repercussions for his actions despite many people and presumable many of his friends knowing that he behaved in these ways.

Was manipulated into being touched inappropriately by an older "school friend" and didn't think it counted as sexual assault because I "consented" and it was between two members of the same sex. Kids NEED to learn this!

While working at UWA I had heard about the antics of students and their Toga parties. All gossip until I saw the evidence posted on the board outside the main cafe. A female colleague and I in the early 90s saw two photos, one of a girl in the toilet vomiting while a male was having sex with her. Over the top of the toilet was "someone" taking a photo of the rape. The male rapist looked quite young, short light hair, an average looking student from UWA during this era. The second photo was slightly further away. It appeared to be a women on the Oak lawn with a male having sex with her and doing "a thumbs up" at the photographer. After we notified people of the photos they were taken down. I never heard anything about it again. The fact that these males posted photos like this on a public notice board, proves how entitled they felt and how protected they were.

hi, a few years ago, (im not exactly sure if this is necessary but i feel like it should.) someone was asked for nudes i think a couple of years ago. yes i may be young but as her best friend i feel like that i should reach out as we are only in grade 7. yes i agree with that teachers really dont understand whats happening behind school. my friend doesnt even feel comfortable to even interact with the person. and again im sorry if this is wasting your time or if this is the wrong thing to take action about, i am sorry.

Is was 15 years old and sleeping at my friends house. I'd drunk about 11 standards and my friends older brother started to hit on me. After I'd passed out from drinking to much he came into my room and woke me up and pulled my pants down and raped me. His sister started to walk back upstairs so he told me to put my pants on and he left. I went to sleep crying that night and didn't talk to my friend for two weeks. When I eventually told her what had happened her entire family turned on me and called me a liar and a substance abuser. This lie was spread around by this family to other families within the PLC community which alienated me. My friend eventually told me she knew I wasn't lying but her parents refused to believe there son was doing this. To this day many families still discuss me as being the girl who lied about her rape and a substance abuser when I was only 15 years old

This is not my story, but rather my school friend's. I don't know if she is able to talk about it yet. She was in a relationship with a Waverley boy (2017) for around a year, and often confided to me that he forced her to do a number of sexual acts privately, under the pretense of him dominating her/her being submissive. In hindsight I don't think these acts were with her consent. I was walking with her after school in a shopping centre and she was meeting him to go home - he pushed her up against the tile wall and kissed her - his forearm was against her throat and her head had banged against the wall. I was really shocked by how violent this was, and asked about his behaviour and whether it made her uncomfortable. She told me it was a sub/dom thing, so I left it, even though I saw more similar concerning scenarios like that.He also insisted on not using protection, as he said he didn't feel as much when he used condoms. She had a pregnancy scare because of that, didn't have her period for three whole months, and the whole ordeal was truly truly terrible for her. Thankfully it led her to break off the relationship. I've always felt I let her down by not explicitly raising my concerns with her about the relationship while it was happening.

I was meeting up with a boy who I had had a crush on for a long time. He had always dated really pretty girls in my year so I was really shocked when he asked to meet up with me, I felt really special. He only lived a few streets away from me so I went and met him at a park one afternoon. He spoke about his sisters and his mum so I kind of had it engraved in my head that he was kind and respectful. We sat down at a bench and he started kissing me and at first it was fine, I had never done anything more then kissing with a boy and I wasn't comfortable doing it that day either. We kissed for a while and then gradually he started to put his hands closer to my crotch before reaching down into my pants. I completely froze and didn't know what to do for at least 30 seconds before I took his hand out and pulled away from kissing him. He asked me why I pulled away and I said that I didn't want to do it anymore, he followed up with so many questions and telling me that I shouldn't have continued to kiss him in the first place if I didn't want to. We stood up and started walking about to exit the park, while we were walking he put his hand in my shirt completely randomly while we were walking in silence and groped me and said 'I've noticed you have these out a lot on your Instagram'. Talking about my boobs. When we left the park and went home I completely broke down and didn't know what to do. He messaged me and said 'you probably shouldn't tell anyone aye? Hahahahah' and made it seem like a nice and funny experience that he wanted to keep personal. I replied in the moment angry and upset, 'What? That you basically assaulted me' and he replied 'yeah hahahahahha'. I was so infatuated with this boy and he was so good looking that I almost forgave him because I wanted the gratification of him still messaging me. We didn't keep in touch as often as we did previous to meeting up and he only messaged me at night time to walk to his house. One night a few months ago he messaged me after around 4 months of not talking and asked me to come over, I replied with a straight no and he said 'good you're ugly anyway' and blocked me. I haven't heard from him since. School never taught me that sexual assault isn't just penetrative sex so to this day I'm still questioning what happened.

When we were 15, my closest childhood friend who went to a different high school in Sydney told me she and another girl had been sexually assaulted by the same boy in their year. He was expelled and charged. She told me many months after it had happened because she didn't know it had been assault. There have been two occasions both just after high school and in uni when I had sex under pressure. The first time I was a virgin, we happened to be on gap year overseas at the same time and he asked to stay in my nice hotel room instead of his hostel. There were two beds, and I made it clear there would be no sex. He insisted we just cuddle, and in the morning I reluctantly did have sex. It was painful, and the rest of the day we spent together before I went to another city I was dissociated and uncomfortable, then cried on the train when he'd gone. Another time a friend visiting from Melbourne insisted we could leave a club because I was tired ONLY IF I let him sleep in my bed. My uni boyfriend came round the watch a movie, then seemed surprised when I thought we would just watch the movie instead of sex - 'what did you think was going to happen?'

I had an experience with a boy at a club one year after graduating high school. I was with a group of friends from our neighbouring boys school Marcellin College and some of my mates other friends were there. After a few drinks I was dancing with one of the boys I didn't know very well. I now know that he was notorious for being a sleeze and not gaining consent from girls. I ended up moving to a corner and kissing that boy which I wanted to do. Until he started feeling under my dress very aggressively, making comments that made me uncomfortable and being all around forceful to make me do more than just kiss him. Even going as far as exposing my breasts to the crowd when I was very clearly trying to get away. I was lucky enough to escape that boy that night with only shame and guilt (neither of which I should have felt). I know this is not the worst story but I know for a fact that this boy went further with more girls and they had similar experiences with him. Not okay. And should never have happened if he had ever been taught that it wasn't okay

When I was in year 9 (14 yo) a Sydney Grammar boy (that used to come over to my house to hang out as friends) came into my house and kept banging on the bathroom door as I showered. When I went to change in my bedroom he walked in as I was getting dressed after I told him not to come in. He came into my room and kept trying to kiss me even though I was extremely uncomfortable as I was not dressed properly and didn't know that he was going to be there. As we were in my bedroom I didn't know how to leave the situation without kicking him out of my house. I didn't know how to communicate I was uncomfortable as I didn't have the language to understand why what he was doing was wrong. A few months later as we were hugging goodbye he unclipped my bra as he hugged me. At the time I never saw these incidents as non-consensual, but with the benefit of hindsight I have realised that these types of coercive behaviours form the basis for more serious crimes such as sexual assault and rape. In both of these incidents, the behaviour could have escalated to something more serious, and in other situations this type of behaviour did. As a teenager I was non-consensually groped, kissed and touched numerous times and was also sexually assaulted on a number of occasions. Furthermore, the majority of my friends have been sexually assaulted either during or post high school. A lot of us didn't have the tools to even process what happened until into our 20s. I don't believe that these incidents are isolated to private schools or single-sex schools. However, I think that improving sex education across the board as well as starting sex education at a younger age would help people recognise when they are in situations which are not okay and non-consensual and give them the tools to stop it at the time or speak out about it later. SCEGGS 2015