How gender expectations can cause harm

We are all taught about gender from a very young age what it ‘means’ to be a boy or girl: blue is for boys, pink is for girls” or “boys play with cars, and girls play with dolls.”  

These are called gender stereotypes. 

Although they seem harmless, these limiting stereotypes can impact how we think and act. As we get older, these stereotypes start taking different forms, but they remain pervasive. For men, they can look like: 

• “Boys should play sports and be tough on and off the field”  
• “The guy should pay for the date.”  
• “Boys should be strong and not show emotions other than anger.”  
• “The guy should always initiate everything in dating." 
• “Men should always be keen to have sex”

For women, they can look like: 

• “Girls should be submissive” 
• “Girls are overly sensitive”
• “Assertive women are bossy” 
• “Women should take care of the children”
• “Women should withhold from having sex for as long as they can” 

There is no scientific or biological reason that a guy has to pay for a date or a girl has to play with a doll. They’re all socially constructed — and reinforced through social media, and culture. Because they’re everywhere, it seems like we all have to act a certain way based on whether we’re born male or born female. The thing is, sex and gender are related — but they’re not the same thing.  

Sex refers to the biological and physiological characteristics — like chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive anatomy — that categorise people as male, female, or intersex.  

Gender is about roles, behaviours, identities, and expectations associated with being male, female that influence how you may be expected to behaviour socially and culturally. In different cultures and communities, these gendered roles can also take different forms and require different responsibilities. For some people, gender is about how they feel on the inside and how they express themselves.

Why do gender expectations and stereotypes matter? 

Masculinity (ideas about being a man) and femininity (ideas about being a woman) have long histories, cultural importance and traditions behind them. It’s important to understand those histories and respect the cultural importance and traditions, while making sure they don’t stop people from being their true selves or limit their rights. 

Gender expectations become harmful when they limit how someone can express who they really are or are used to treat people unfairly. These stereotypes can put us in a box, limiting what we feel like we can do within our lives. They tell us things like: 

• How to behave – boys should be tough and hide their emotions, while girls are expected to be polite and agreeable. 
• What careers we should choose – men have historically dominated roles in construction, technology and engineering, while women are steered towards roles like social work, administrative support, teaching and nursing.  ‍
• How to date and be in relationships – boys are often told they have to make the first move, while girls are expected to wait and be ‘chosen.’ Men are also often valued by how many people they sleep with, while women are valued by how few people they sleep with. This can encourage men to disregard consent to increase their ‘body count,’ while women, who are socialised to be submissive, may let down their boundaries. This dynamic creates a culture where sexual harm is inevitable, as what should be intimacy is positioned as an act of capitulation. 
  

More recently, there has been a serious uptick in online influencers telling us exactly how to ‘be a man’ or ‘be a woman.’ 

• For men, ideas like having to show dominance in relationships, always wanting sex, maintaining toughness, being the provider and hiding your emotions create a limited definition of what it means ‘to be a man.’‍
• For women, being a nurturer, being emotional, ‘gatekeeping’ sex but also being taught that it’s something you ultimately have to ‘give up’ to men, being a caregiver, and being submissive provides a narrow view of what a woman can be. 

None of these traits are inherently negative or bad by themselves, but they do create constricting ideas on how we should be able to express ourselves.

Why should we challenge harmful gender stereotypes?  

It helps us focus on the traits that are true to us — rather than restrictive ideas 

Challenging gender stereotypes helps you be more like your real self. It gives you the freedom to decide what kind of person you want to be — not what others expect based on gender.  

It also means celebrating the healthy traits we should all be encouraged to have regardless of our gender identity. Qualities like: 

• Empathy 
• Self-control 
• Mutual respect 
• Emotional resilience and vulnerability 

These traits make us better friends, partners and people. 

It helps us identify positive role models

When we question strict gender expectations, we make room for positive examples of what it means to be a boy, a girl or someone with a different gender identity. For example, healthy masculinity gives boys and men more freedom to be who they are – not who they are told they have to be to fit gender norms.  

Gender expectations differ across cultures and identities. Positive examples of gender expressions and expectations can be found across cultures, and there are a range of positive role models for us to live up to and positive spaces for us to interact in.  

It celebrates diversity in expression, for all of us

Some people express gender in ways that don’t fit into the two categories  — and that is okay too. Challenging rigid gender rules helps to create space and understanding for transgender people and others to be proud of who they are and how they express themselves. In Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander culture, gender diversity is respected when we look at the existence of brother boys and sister girls.  

Remember, you get to decide how you dress, your hobbies, who you love, how you act in relationships, the kind of jobs you enjoy, and so much more.  

Challenging restrictive gender norms is not always easy 

Standing up against harmful gender stereotypes can be tough. When you break away from rigid expectations, you might face judgement from people if you act differently based on what is expected. 

You may feel pressure to act a certain way, or find yourself questioning your own beliefs, and things you have been taught through media, family and across society. 

Challenging restrictive gender norms is a journey, not something that happens all at once. Even though it is hard, it helps you grow more confident and connected to who you are. Everyone has the right to freedom to be and express themselves in the ways that they choose to.