Fight, flight, freeze and fawn: Stress responses to sexual violence

Most of us have heard of ‘fight or flight’ — the automatic responses our bodies have when facing danger, by physically resisting, fighting or running away. But what’s talked about far less are the other two stress responses: freeze and fawn. When it comes to intimate or sexual situations, that lack of understanding can lead to real harm, especially when people confuse these responses with consent.

Let’s start here: no one chooses how they respond to threatening situations. Stress responses are the body’s way of trying to protect us in moments where we feel threatened, unsafe, or powerless. For some, that default might mean taking action by fighting back, and for others it might mean fleeing or running away. But for many people — especially women when the threat is a man (who generally speaking, is likely larger, stronger and faster than her)  — the body can shut down or feel stuck (freeze) or try to appease the other person or be nice to them to avoid harm (fawn).

“But they didn’t fight back… so was it really assault?”

Because fight and flight are so widely recognised, there’s a harmful myth that if someone didn’t physically resist — scream, call for help, push away, hit, or try to escape — then it wasn’t really assault. Understanding stress responses helps us realise that’s simply not true. Many victim-survivors freeze. Many fawn. And unless we recognise these responses, we risk misunderstanding consent, blaming victim-survivors, and even blaming ourselves.

Let’s unpack what freeze and fawn look like.

The freeze response

Imagine your brain sends the signal: danger. But instead of gearing up to run or fight, your body goes silent, unable to move, speak, or help yourself get out of the situation. It’s not because you’re okay with what’s happening or are somehow ‘weak,’ it’s because your nervous system is doing the best it can to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.  

In intimate or sexual situations, freezing might look like:

• Being physically still or unresponsive
• Struggling to speak, make eye contact, or move away
• Feeling numb, dissociated, or disconnected from what’s happening
• Not remembering parts of the experience afterwards

This can sometimes be mistaken for agreement or consent, because often we get taught that consent is simply ‘no means no.’ But if someone is experiencing a freeze response, they don’t have the ability to say “no.” That’s why affirmative consent — a clear, genuine and ongoing “yes” — is so important. If someone you’re intimate with has gone quiet or passive, that’s a sign to take a break, give them space and check in.

The fawn response

Fawning is less understood, but just as real. This response can arise as a result of past experiences — where being agreeable, accommodating, or overly nice to keep the abuser on your side and avoid further harm was the safest option. However, anyone can fawn. It’s common among people who’ve learned that creating conflict or asserting their boundaries leads to danger or increased aggression, and that pleasing others can prevent harm from getting worse.

In sexual situations, fawning can look like:

• Going along with sex you don’t want to have, so that the other person won’t hurt you
• Smiling or laughing, even though you feel scared or uncomfortable
• Being nice to the person afterwards — texting them, getting coffee, acting friendly when you see them at parties — not because you’re okay with what they did, but because it feels safer.

Again: this is not consent. It’s a stress response. And when people don’t understand fawning, they might judge survivors or question their stories; “But you looked like you were into it,” “Didn’t you stay over and hang out with them the next day?” 

Recognising these responses in ourselves

If you’ve ever left an intimate situation feeling confused, ashamed, or wondering why you didn’t say no, it doesn’t mean what you experienced was not serious or harmful. Freeze and fawn are incredibly common, and you’re not weak, broken, or to blame for acting that way. It was your body’s way of keeping you safe at the time. 

Here are some signs you might have frozen:

• You couldn’t move or speak, even though you wanted to.
• You felt numb or like you weren’t in your body.
• You only realised how uncomfortable you were after it ended.

Here are some signs you might have fawned:

• You said yes when you meant no, to avoid conflict or keep the peace.
• You worried more about the other person’s feelings than your own safety.
• You felt guilty or ashamed for not ‘speaking up.’

If you think you may have frozen or fawned in the past, talk to someone you trust or reach out to support services. Be gentle with yourself — there’s no “right” way to respond to fear. 

Recognising these responses in others

Understanding how people respond to stress can help you avoid causing unintentional harm and be a more supportive partner. Many people tell us they worry about crossing a line without realising it — especially if someone freezes or fawns and doesn’t openly say “no.” One of the best ways to make sure your partner is genuinely into what's happening is to practice ongoing consent. That means paying attention to their body language, noticing any shifts in energy, and checking in with simple questions like, “Are you okay with this?” or “Do you want to keep going?”.

Freeze in others can look like:

• Sudden stillness or silence. 
• Blank, vacant, or spaced-out expressions.
• Delayed responses or minimal engagement.
• Tense posture, shallow breathing, or physically ‘shrinking’ or turning away.

Fawn in others can look like:

• Smiling or laughing in ways that don’t match the situation.
• Putting your comfort above their own, even when they seem uneasy.
• Downplaying things that clearly upset them.

If you notice these signs, that’s a good time to check in, pause, and offer space and safety. You can ask if they want to stop, offer an alternative by saying “hey, we should chill for a bit,” affirm their autonomy by saying “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do” and respect their decision. 

Understanding stress responses gives us a chance to get better at consent and redefine strength — not just as power over others, but as creating space for vulnerability, respect, and support. 

If you are realising you may have frozen or fawned in the past, reach out to 1800RESPECT for confidential and 24/7 support.