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testimonies

The following testimonies of sexual assault were the bedrock of the campaign to mandate consent education in the national curriculum. They were voluntarily sent to Teach Us Consent by those who emphatically believe that inadequate consent education was the reason for the sexual abuse they experienced during or soon after school. Indivually and collectively, these lived experiences were pivotal in laying bare the breadth and depth of rape culture to policy makers in Australia.

Please note dates are the graduating years. Victim-survivors and perpetrators will remain anonymous.

Trigger warning: sexual assault
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Citipointe Christian College Brisbane

We graduated school with zero knowledge about sex. Because it was a 'Christian' school, they basically said don't have sex before marriage, and that was it. It was the same for drugs and alcohol, they just put their heads in the sand. In my final week of school at a party, I had alcohol for the first time. I was very drunk and was assaulted by 3 different guys over the course of the night. Numerous times I would tell them to stop, but I remember so clearly that they thought because I was uncomfortable and in pain, I liked it. Porn teaches kids the wrong message, and this is what they have to learn from when the school (and parents) don't teach anything properly.

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St George Christian School

I can't give you full stories as they aren't mine to share and I don't feel right sharing someone else's story (even when it is public) but within my school there were a few cases of sexual assault and rape. In my time of being there only one got reported (that I know of) because it was easier to just wait until you graduated, than to actually report it and deal with the repercussions. However it seemed that my year had the worst of it (publicly) because the boys in our year were greedy and assholes (granted not all of them but you get the point) a lot of them started out as manipulators, which I have to admit I fell for and I am so glad and lucky that I was able to get out early because I don't know what would have or could have happened to me. But a person in our year did have their consent violated and was sexually assaulted and raped through the form of manipulation, and the violator got some repercussions but they were more like a slap on the wrist because the violator started gaining respect back from peers and teachers and that's not right! Granted 'yes this person does have a whole life ahead of them and is only young' but if we don't get it through this person's head NOW and ACTUALLY TELL THEM that was they did was wrong and give them proper repercussions, they will never learn. Thank you for bringing this topic up, because our school definitely had a habit of teacher the girls all the sex education while the boys would do other shit like play sports. I would also just like to add that this school made girls every morning go on their knees the measure the length of our skirts/dresses... that's great for a young girl to learn (sarcasm).

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PLC

I was one of the lucky ones. However I know a horrifying number of women who were not. The level of entitlement I have seen from the male population of the local schools I grew up is terrifying. Consent needs to be taught earlier than sex education even begins but yes I also agree that it needs to be included. My small girls (6 and 8) have been taught the rudimentals of sex and that it is something that adults can do. However they have also been taught about what consent is - when to stop tickling, when do stop playing a game.

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Rose Bay Secondary College

This guy went to Randwick Boys High School, and had moved to my school in year 10. I remember we had a 'talking phase' and kind of hooked up one time. It was late 2019 and I was at a party at his house. At this point I was in a long term relationship for about a year and a half, and I was posting about my boyfriend on all social medias and talking about him all the time. I had been drinking that night and was really inebriated. I had a few friends at the party, and after singing and dancing around with my friends for a while, I laid down on the sofa on my girl friends lap. I wasn't exactly passed out, but my eyes were closed and I was taking a minute to kind of calm down from the alcohol and have a breather. The guy who was hosting the party (who hadn't said a word to me the whole night) then came over and basically sat on me, like in front of me . As I was laying down on my side he bent over and grabbed my hand really tightly. I remember thinking what the hell is going on, and trying to remain as limp as possible so he wouldn't think anything and would go away. At one point he stops and reaches around behind me and starts groping and grabbing my butt. I was in a skirt so he was basically just rubbing my ass. I had never been more scared in my life. The part that weirded me out about it was just that there were so many people around, probably like 10, and no one said anything or told him to stop. This continued for I have no idea how long (maybe 30 seconds maybe 2 mins??? i have no idea) and I was just so terrified to move or do anything. I just remember thinking 'I'm being sexually assaulted right now'. At one point near the end, I just rolled over to try and face the other way, and to get him to move his hand away, and he kept it there, so his hand rubbed against my vagina as I rolled over. I then grabbed my friend and we left. The guy then had the fucking audacity to hug me, really unnervingly tightly, before I left. At the time I didn't really think much of it, but told my boyfriend and the girl who was at the party with me what happened. I really didn't think it would be a problem until went back to school after the summer holidays and he was lingering around our friendship group at recess and lunch. I would break down constantly, having panic attacks, running off to to the bathrooms to eat lunch, and freaking out when I was in the same room or even when I saw him. It got so bad that when I found out we would be in the same room for the HSC english examination (due to COVID restrictions) I tried everything in my power to move to another room, and cried before entering the exam room when I found out that I couldn't. A part if me that feels so heartbroken about it is hurt the most by the people I've told that remained friends with him, and that continuously invite him to parties and events. Another part of me that just feels so fucking hurt, is that knowledge that he KNEW I had a boyfriend. I clung to this fact for so long, that I almost invalidated the fact that I am a person, and he should not have been touching me sexually anyways, because I didn't consent, nor say ANYTHING to him the whole night. Just reading this thread of testimonies has also forced me to rethink some other experiences I've had, where I don't think I was sexually assaulted, but I was really really drunk, and felt conflicted/unsure about what was happening to me and if I wanted to do it. I feel a lot of guilt around these events as the guys and situations were a bit dodgy. It's just so scary, and especially now that I'm single for the first time in a few years, to think about the danger that I'm in, when I drink around guys.

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Anonymous

My boyfriend at the time asked what it would take to sleep with me and I said that if I was ready & really loved the person. The following weeks he kept trying to slide 'I love you' into everything - looking back now, I know he didn't mean it. We were alone in his room, no one home. He told me to get a condom from his school bag. I said I didn't want to and he said to grab it anyways just incase. I foolishly got it & when I came back he started asking me if I wanted to have sex with him (first time). I said no, then he started telling me how good it would feel, that I was ready and that he promised it wouldn't hurt. I still said no (a few times) & he continued to kiss me & 'convince' me to do it. I stupidly gave in even though I didn't want to, I mean what else does a 15 year old girl with low self esteem do when they think they their first boyfriend is going to break up with them if they don't? It lasted maybe 30 seconds because he pulled me on top of him & I immediately stopped. He then looked at me disapprovingly & asked 'what are you going to do about this now?'. He forced me into oral to finish him off & broke up with me 2 weeks later because I didn't want to again. I still to this day don't know if this counts as sexual assault because at the end of the day I still allowed it to happen to a certain extent, but I do know that 5 no's and 1 hesitant 'fine, I guess' does NOT equal proper, given consent. SGC'17

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Kings

A night out with the boys turned sour when I was almost sexually assaulted, only to be saved by 2 of my friends. I was heavily intoxicated and at a girls free who I barely knew but one of my friends was mates with. I went into the pantry to look for food when I heard the door shut, only to turn around and find this girl who I had never seen before standing there. I was a bit confused at first and the whole image was fluttering through my vision when I then found myself put up against the pantry door and this girl was lowering herself to the level of my crotch. I immediately realised how messed up this was as I had a girlfriend and was not attracted to this girl at all to which I ran to the other side of the room and sat on the ground, kicking my legs above so that this girl could not get near me. I was shouting the names of my friends and after what felt like ages found them trying to open the door. This girl, who was slightly overweight was leaning her body against the door, obstructing my friends attempt to open the door. He got the gist of what was happening and then called another one of my friends over who helped him edge the door open and force himself in. The girl quickly left the room and nothing has been heard since. Some of my friends have laughed at how i was almost 'raped' by a 'fat chick', but I believe it serves as a reminder yes, whilst horrendous acts are committed by many boys, there is still the chance for the same thing to occur to boys, and they may feel compelled not to speak out. I hope my story can help any going through the same thing.

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Redlands

He was the year above me at school and in the same friendship circle as me and all my friends. I was in year X and had just turned X, I was still a virgin. I was at a party with a few of my girlfriends and saw him out too. I was so drunk that I lost my friends, the next thing I knew, the party had spilled out onto the street and I had no idea where my friends had gone. I was being led by this guy who I thought I could trust, into a garden where he pushed me down and got on top of me. All I remember was trying to push him off me and saying no, stop, get off me, over and over. The next thing I remember was my head falling back and blacking out. I came to after it had finished and ran down the street to find my friends. They could see I was visibly distraught and disoriented and had blood running down my leg. The next day his friends and mine said I was asking for it. I never spoke about that night again to anyone as everyone said it was my fault and that I wanted it. I blame myself and only just came to the realisation in the past year what had really happened that night, and what he did to me was rape.

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Ascham

I came to Australia as a fresh teen with no previous sex education. I was was exposed to parties involving alcohol, sexual activity and drugs and was given barely any information regarding safe sex practices, keeping yourself and friends safe at events and no information on consensual sexual activity. I encourage tens and tens of situations where I had to scramble for excuses to leave when I became uncomfortable because boys could not accept a straight 'no' from me. They viewed us as some game to win and normalised convincing and coercion into sexual activity. I was repeatedly fetishised, exoticised and hypersexualised to the point where boys thought I was an outlet for their repressed desires. - Ascham

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Pittwater House Grammar School

I was sexually abused by some boys during my time at Pittwater House Grammar School (1981 -1986). This included attempted penetration by some boys with a javelin and in another incident with a ruler. I was injured with blood oozing from my anus. I was also verbally, physically and psychologically abused frequently.

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Telopea Park Highschool

I was in year 9, 14 years old, and he was my boyfriend at the time. We were both virgins but had previously done everything else. However there was always a level of pressure and coercion and I never felt fully comfortable, although I'd never been sexually intimate before so just assumed this was normal. The relationship was abusive emotionally and physically, but he told me he wouldnt kill himself as long as I was with him so as a 14 year old i felt trapped and convinced myself nothing was wrong. I told him that I didn't want to lose my virginity before I was 15 at the least and was very upfront about it because I knew the line had slipped before and didn't want that to be the case. He came over to my house one day and it was the first time we had actually had a chance to have sex, so despite the fact he knew I wasn't ready he asked me. i said no and he told me 'can you at least still make me cum', so I ended up giving him oral. However this wasn't enough and he continued to ask me several times over the next few hours, and I kept saying no I wasn't ready and wanted to wait until I was 15. He said that was fine, but kept asking and guilting me. Eventually we started to watch a movie and he put his arm on top of me, so I was physically trapped under him, and said he really wanted to fuck me. He was no longer asking and I was scared he would get physical with me as he had before, so I said fine. not yes, fine. i didn't realise that what happened to me was wrong for months afterward, but remember wanting to get out of my body and not knowing why. i had to do all my own research as we had never been taught about sexual coercion and he was also someone i was meant to trust, not a stranger. because my experience didn't fit into what i thought was defined as rape i struggled a lot more, even though when i confronted him about it months after he said that it wasn't rape in the same conversation he said 'sometimes when i say no i don't really mean it and want him to keep asking' as well as 'the reason he didn't cum was because the body gives i gave off were that i was uncomfortable'. everybody at my school found out but nobody said or did anything, and the confusion over definitions of sexual assault meant he was defended for it.

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St Clare's

When I was 15 I went with my friend to meet a boy she'd been messaging online, he was maybe 17 or 18. We met him at Westfield in Bondi Junction. Because he was older my friend asked me to stay with them. We thought he was nice enough, even though he kept making lewd jokes and talking about the girls he'd been with. Whilst walking through Kmart he tackled me onto one of the display beds and started grabbing me, my boobs, my vagina and rubbed his hands over my body. In broad daylight, in the middle of the shops. After telling him to 'get off' and pushing him always I finally got off. He was laughing. I ended up leaving after that because my friend got angry at me for taking the attention. She didn't speak to me for a week, and I felt guilty for it.

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Melbourne, Australia

Emmanuel College boy groped me at a party. Walked past and grabbed my crotch holding on to me then laughed.

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St Vincents

i was 16 and with my boyfriend at the time who was a similar age and went to kirrawee high. we were on a train coming home from lunch when he began to grope me. this was in the middle of the day, in public and we were both sober. i asked him to stop repeatedly. in the end i had to physically push him off me. i haven't said anything till recently because i wasn't aware to the degree of an action to be considered as sexual harassment

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Kambala

It was in year 11 and we were at a gathering, he was Cranbrook and driving (on his Ps so 0 alcohol). I had a few drinks and was feeling tired so went to leave and get a taxi (the days before Uber) and he offered to drive me home because we were the same direction. I considered this boy a friend and I had never given this guy any indication that I was ever keen, in our entire friendship. So I thought he knew that and it was safe. He drove me to queens ave reserve and invited me to come and 'look at the view'. He rolled onto me and kept my body trapped against the car as he made out with me and felt me up. I couldn't push him off and asked him to take me home now and he said 'in a minute'. It probably lasted under 10 minutes but I always preferred paying for a cab over going alone with a guy after that. It was my first year out of school and I was at the Paul's college bar. I had had a lot to drinks and was with another Kambala friend. We went to get 'air' and went back to a guy's room (my friends friend - but basically two guys I'd never met). I was drunk, tired and wanted to go home, as we sat in the room I told my friend that I didn't want to hang with them anymore because one of the guys was trying to get with me and I had had to gently push him away and laugh it off. The guy friend she was with then asked her to come 'get something' from his room and I wanted to go with them and not to be left alone. He said no and that they would be right back. I distinctly remember not wanting to get with guy I was left with, and when I went to leave he told me I should wait for my friend to come back. Next thing I knew I woke up naked next to him and a condom on the floor. Basically grabbed my clothes and ran out as fast as I could. Didn't realise that I would have been way too drunk to consent till years later, and knew I wouldn't have consented anyway bcoz he had grossed me out all night.

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Loreto Kirribilli

I had finished school and was at a party. I was getting with a guy from Shore, who is just met. We were both quite drunk. He asked if I wanted to go outside and get some air, and I went with him. I was still underage and didn't have too much experience with alcohol and being drunk. We continued to get with each other and then he lay us down, pinning himself on top of me. He then he grabbed my hand and made me feel his erection. My hand was trapped there and I couldn't move it. He then started to feel under my skirt and started fingering me. I kept trying to bat his hand away, saying I don't want to do this, but he kept going. He then took my hand and shoved it down his pants, making me give him a hand job while we were lying down and had me pinned underneath him. I heard his friends come out into the garden and start calling his name, asking if he wanted another beer. While he was distracted I managed to jump up and ran back inside. I didn't tell anyone what had happened because I felt so ashamed. Meanwhile, my friends were congratulating me for getting with the hot shore boy.

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Mount St Benedict

To celebrate new years eve in year 11, pretty much our entire grade went down to blues point . The guy I liked from Oakhill College was there and after a few drinks he said he knew a great point that was more private for a view of the fireworks. I walked off with him to a secluded spot about 5 minutes away from everyone. Where we proceeded to kiss, which was fine until i realised he had unbuttoned his pants and started to push my head down and was forcing me towards his penis. I started to freak out and said i didn't want to and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to and kept forcing me. I said I didnt want to and tried to back away and he grabbed my arm, so i pushed him off me and i ran away crying.

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SCEGGS

The first time I was raped it was a guy I'd only met that night, at a house party (that night they were all cranbrook boys). Earlier in the night a different guy (a friend) had drunkenly forced his face into my chest and ''motorboated' me. Later another guy, a cranbrook boy id only met that night and who had been pouring me drink after drink after drink, took me upstairs. I had my period, which I used as an excuse to say no when he started trying to coerce me into sex. He left the room for a bit to go out into the hallway, where I heard him talking to other guys. I heard them say 'Oh man, she didn't do ANYTHING? sorry man I was sure she'd put out'. After that he came back in, and he raped me. The next morning my period blood was all over the sheets, and before I knew it it felt like everyone at cranbrook knew the story. I didn't have the guts to correct the narrative. I wasn't really sure what rape was. I had said no, but I was the one who was drunk, so maybe I didn't have the right to? A close friend of mine got upset at me because she'd had a crush on that guy and she was pissed that I'd 'gone there first'. The aftermath made my head spin. I felt like I was lying to everyone all the time, but i didn't know how to tell the truth. A month after that first incident, it happened again, this time a friend. I later found out I wasn't the last of my friends that particular boy would do that to. It took 18 months until everything started to boil over and the PTSD set in. I wish that had been the only time it happened, but like so many other people whose testimony I've read here, things started off badly years before then. My first kiss was sweet and innocent, on a park bench with a Scots boy. After that though, almost every encounter I had was tainted by shades of assault. My second kiss was at a party, a Scots boy again, and he forced his fingers inside me. Then he draped my drunken hand around his penis and formed a fist around it, using my hand as some kind of prop while he gave himself a hand job. The next guy I kissed, Scots from the year above, did the same thing - only this time I'd worn tights, with one pair of undies on the outside and one on the inside, like some kind of extra protection. I'm horrified that at 15 I had to think to do that. I just wanted to kiss him. I had a crush. Anyway, he used my hand as a prop like the last guy - like they had some kind of playbook they're all working from - and when he'd finished, he let me leave. Later another boy from Scots told me that that boy had been hooking up with another girl earlier, and that he was disappointed I would lower myself to being 'sloppy seconds'. At one point a guy I'd just met (cranbrook) carried me out of a party into the laundry, where he put me in a sink with my head down near the drain. He was fooling around while I was barely conscious, and eventually he asked 'how about we put something else in there' (there being my vagina). I said no, that I hadn't had sex before and that I was waiting for the right person. He sighed and pulled me up out of the sink, and helped me put my clothes back on. Such were my standards at the time that for years afterwards I thought of him as some kind of a white knight, because he'd stopped short of penetrating me. I could keep going, but I think I've rambled on enough already. I was in therapy for three years to sort this all out and even now I still panic sometimes, but the nightmares have stopped. Please publish this anonymously if you do publish it (or any sections of it). Most of my girl friends know, but even so.

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MLC

I remember Sex Ed being taught to us quiet early (year 6) and then again in our younger high - school years. There was nothing on consent until year 12 - we had a full day of self defence and consent training but by then it was too late. It was at our school dance in year 8. I was dancing with a boy, when he decided to reach under my skirt and put his fingers inside me (I hadn't even been kissed at this point). I remember freezing, understanding what was happening but not knowing how to deal with the situation. When the dance ended I went back to my friends and was very upset, he went back to his and told his mates. I remember his smirk and the fact they they were all clapping him on the back. I confronted him about it, and was told 'you wanted it. Be quiet, don't make a scene... you don't want your teachers to find out. What would they think?

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Kincoppal

During my final year at school I was raped by a Joeys boy. He started rumors about me and I was suffering from PTSD and extreme fear of the social repercussions of speaking out so I bottled it up and didn't tell any of my friends or peers. The long lasting repercussions of the toxic culture these schools breed and the lack of consent based education needs to be addressed as soon as possible before more young people are hurt.

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Barker college

I had a boyfriend from Aloys (a Catholic school). He was very set that he did not want to have sex before marriage. That was okay with me because at the time I really liked this boy. After a night out once I slept in his bed and he started to come on to me. I said no because we agreed we wouldn't due to his religious views. He continued, regardless of me repeatedly saying no. It got to the point where I had to push him off me with all my force and I cried to him saying he just raped me. He laughed and said I can't rape you because I'm your boyfriend...

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St Catherine's

I woke up in the darkness, in my then boyfriend's bed (Cranbrook), to find him having sex with me. We had had a fight after a party, and I wanted to sleep at mine, but I was far from home and feeling exhausted and we were very near to his house. I had told him before I went to sleep that I did not want to have sex with him because I was too drunk and too tired. I rarely said no to sex, so he continued to ask. Eventually, sometime after I had fallen asleep, he started touching me. When I opened my eyes to find him inside of me, I felt sick. I didn't say anything because I was too exhausted to contend with what he was doing. This was my first sexual relationship, and I was less experienced and confident than I am now. I lay still, let him finish, and fell back asleep. Smaller instances which violated consent had happened in the past, but nothing ever this flagrant. I didn't think or talk about it for a long time. This is only one example of many of how this particular Cranbrook boy treated my body as if it belonged to him for years. Only now that I am in a stable, healthy relationship am I finally understanding how ashamed he should feel for his behaviour. Cranbrook (and many other single-sex male schools in Sydney) have a rancid approach to their education about sex, consent, and women. These schools churn out boys who front an excellent fa'_ade of respect, but who often possess no practical understanding of what it means. Somebody needs to start taking responsibility for this. Too many us have already been hurt.

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St. Scholastica's College

When I was in year 9 at I was seeing a guy older than me who went to Newington. we hung out with all of these . He was the first guy I did anything serious sexually with but he lead me to believe it was special and important to him because we were both virgins. I had expressed I had feelings for him and ultimately he wasn't interested in that matter so we stopped hanging out. About two months later he randomly invited me to day drink at his friends house near my house. Because I still liked him I agreed naively. We drank and smoke weed and I ended up passing out and throwing up everywhere. I remember him taking me upstairs to his friends room I woke up with my pants off. He then took me to the city with his friend while I was throwing up to try and 'sober me up' before I got home. I don't remember a lot of this but he ultimately raped me in a stairwell in a parking lot with his friend watching. Afterwards he put me on a train by myself while I was still intoxicated where I woke up at ashfield train station with the train guard poking me because I passed out. I got home and went to sleep immediately. The next day I had heard from friends at newington that he was telling people we had sex and I was so confused but once I put the pieces together and I woke up in pain I realised what had happened. No one that we both knew that I told believed that he would rape me and believed it was consensual so I put it to rest and we all proceeded to stay friends as if nothing happened. For the next 3 years I stayed civil with him because I had convinced myself that it wasn't worth being upset over and that it wasn't his fault. Everyone I was friends with knows about this because I told them back when it happened and they are still friends with him currently. It pains me because as his career grows I have to live with the pain this experience caused me even though it's been 7 years I have troubles in my relationships and have an unhealthy relationship with sex as a result. The concept of consent was not one that I experienced with him and among other Newington boys. Repeatedly there were instances were I had been violated at house parties and gatherings and my negative reactions would cause the boys to call me aggressive and label me as crazy as a result. It became so normal to be groped and have my ass slapped by boys who didn't have consent I can't think of a party or gathering where I wasn't violated sexually in some way.

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SCEGGS 2015

I was sexually assaulted in my first year of college by a guy who was a year older and had gone to Kings. He knew my older sibling and made me feel like I was a friend. I was so ashamed of what had happened, but with the support of my family I reported it to the police and ended up going to court. But of course justice was not served. I still live in fear that I will see him again, and at times I still find it difficult to be intimate because of my trauma.

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Monbulk High School (now Monbulk College)

Thank you for continuing this important conversation. This sh&t needs to stop. It destroys lives and it is certainly not new. I was 16 and in Year 11 at Monbulk High School, in Melbourne's Dandenong Ranges. I was raped by a former student of the school. I had never had a boyfriend, and only weeks earlier had my first kiss. That experience changed me. I withdrew from my friendship groups and struggled with loneliness through my final year of high school. (I know that is not relevant to the weight of this crime - it is as much a crime as if I'd had 20 boyfriends - but it is part of my story.) I was away with my best friend and some people she knew. I had no reason to think I was not safe. The last thing I remember is returning from the bathroom during a drinking game he and his friends had instigated. I woke the next morning, extremely ill, covered in bruises all over my upper thighs. To this day the entire night is blacked out. I remember every minute of the days that followed though, as I pieced together what had happened to me, to my silent, lonely horror. My friend eventually told me I had lost my virginity that night, that this man had, 'had sex with me'. And, warned me to be more careful around him, and that was that, it was brushed aside. I applaud the recent news that Victoria's education minister, and minister for mental health, James Merlino, has called for a nationwide rollout of 'Respectful Relationships' education in all schools, and implore him and others to please not give up on this. This is so needed and so overdue. The reported, and even estimated, number of girls that have been raped and sexually assaulted is 'the tip of the iceberg'. So many of us don't tell, many never will. For so many of us, the past couple of weeks have been difficult. Maybe we are the female colleague that suddenly took a few days off, or the friend, sister, mother or daughter that has been particularly distant, distracted or quick tempered these past few days. I know I have. We are everywhere, hidden, but in plain sight. My daughter is 10 and I am now starting to think how and when I speak to her about consent. (As an aside, I do question why our consent laws allow children of 16 and 17 to consent to sex with adults. Many other jurisdictions don't. The Romeo and Juliet clause only allowing consensual sex between teenagers should extend to children under 18. This could curb some of the predatory behaviour of male adults thinking any female child over 16 is fair game.) Teenage boys and men need to understand consent. Sex is something you do WITH someone not TO them. And, they need to know that sex without consent is a serious, violent crime, punishable by lengthy jail terms. They need to know it is taken seriously by courts and they need to stop getting away with it. I wonder what kind of week my rapist has had. I suspect none of this has even crossed his mind.

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