Why Stranger Danger Education is Not Enough
Like me, you probably grew up hearing the phrase stranger danger, believing that sexual harm happened when walking home from school or playing at the park. Our parents, with limited knowledge about the complexities of sexual abuse, often thought they were keeping us safe by simply saying, “Don’t talk to strangers.” While this advice addresses a small fraction of the risk, the reality is far more concerning. Statistics in Australia show that 86% of children who experience sexual abuse know the person who harmed them. This makes it critical that we move beyond stranger danger education with the next generation.
But it’s not entirely our parents’ fault. We can’t expect someone to teach what they were never taught, especially when the topic is considered taboo and deeply uncomfortable. The good news? We have the opportunity to do things differently. Whether you're a parent, aunty, coach, teacher, or someone who simply enjoys spending time with children, you have the power to make a real difference in reducing sexual harm in our communities.
I had been working as a psychologist for five years before falling pregnant with my first child. In that time, I had supported children who had experienced sexual abuse and those who had engaged in harmful sexual behaviour toward others. I felt immense gratitude for my work, it was a privilege to help young people heal and grow.
But not long before my due date, I sat with a teenage client who had been abused and had later harmed his siblings. He spoke about an online relationship with a younger girl and his intentions with her. My stomach flipped. My vision blurred. This wasn’t new to me, I had worked with far more confronting cases, but this time, the reality hit differently. I suddenly thought, This could be my child he’s talking about.
That moment changed everything. I promised myself I would do everything in my power to reduce the risk of my child being harmed. I threw myself into research, learning from experts, listening to survivors, and deepening my understanding of what truly keeps children safe. What I discovered was clear: We can’t control who comes into children’s lives, but we can equip them with the tools to protect themselves.
With statistics showing that 1 in 5 females and 1 in 16 males in Australia experience some form of sexual harm before adulthood, the risk is too high to ignore. Whether you’re raising a child or simply influencing one, you can help change this.
Despite the darkness surrounding this issue, I want to share something empowering: We can prevent harm before it happens. Just as we teach children to brush their teeth or cross the road safely, we need to teach them that their body belongs to them and they have the right to set boundaries. Here are five simple, practical ways to start today:
1. Let children decide how they greet others: Giving children choices about how they greet people reinforces body autonomy. Instead of saying, “Give Aunty a hug,” try, “How would you like to say hello? A wave, a high-five, or a hug?” This sends a clear message: Their body, their choice.
2. When a child says “stop” – listen: If you’re tickling, playing, or roughhousing and a child says stop, respect it immediately. This teaches them that their words are powerful and should always be respected. It also normalises the idea that no means no, even in playful situations.
3. Ask before engaging in physical touch: Model consent by asking, “Can I give you a hug?” before embracing a child. If they say no, respect it - without convincing or bargaining. This reinforces that their boundaries matter and should always be respected.
4. Never ask a child to keep a secret: Children can’t always differentiate between “good” and “bad” secrets. That’s why I recommend a no secrets rule. Even small ones, like “Don’t tell Mum we had ice cream,” blur the lines. Since secrecy is a key grooming tactic, children must learn that safe people would not ask them to keep secrets.
5. Use anatomically correct terms: Why do we call an elbow an elbow, but a vulva a “fanny”? Using proper terms like penis and vagina removes shame and empowers children to speak clearly about their bodies. Research shows that children who use correct terminology are less likely to be targeted for grooming and more likely to be believed if they disclose harm.
When it comes to body safety, the best time to start is now. I’ve been weaving these concepts into my children’s lives since they were babies. As a result, they confidently listen to their bodies, advocate for their boundaries, and openly communicate when something doesn’t feel right.
This isn’t about scaring children—it’s about empowering them. Every small shift in language, every moment of respect for their choices, and every conversation about their right to say no strengthens their ability to protect themselves. And that’s something we can all play a role in, whether we’re parents or not.
By moving beyond stranger danger and weaving body safety into everyday interactions, we help raise a generation of children who know their worth, trust their instincts, and are far less vulnerable to harm. That is how we change the statistics, one empowered child at a time.
