Gaslighting, Love Bombing, And What It All Actually Means

You’ve probably heard it before–someone mentioning how an ex used to “love bomb” them after a fight, or calling a friend a “gaslighter” for simply forgetting plans. These terms have become deeply woven into how we talk about relationships, especially on social media. But while they’re often thrown around casually, both are actually serious methods of coercive control, and deserve to be understood in that context.

Recently, we were introduced to the idea of concept creep by our friend Georgia Grace during a podcast we recorded (stay tuned!) Concept creep describes how the meaning of a term can gradually stretch to include a wider range of behaviors or experiences than it originally intended to. Sometimes, this expansion is positive–it can compel us to acknowledge issues that were once overlooked. But other times, it risks over-pathologizing everyday experiences, or even diluting the severity of real harm by misusing important terms.

That’s why we want to pause and go back to basics. We’ll unpack what love bombing and gaslighting really mean, and explain how they fit within broader patterns of coercive control–a form of abuse that’s often invisible, but incredibly damaging.What is coercive control?

It’s a pattern of manipulative behaviors used to dominate another person. Instead of exclusively involving physical or sexual violence, it shows up as emotional manipulation, social isolation, financial control and digital surveillance.

Cultural messages like “jealousy means they’re caring and protective” and “wanting to know where you are at all times is romantic and thoughtful” can make early warning signs easy to miss. Even coercive controllers may not realise their behaviour is abusive, because of how widely romanticised these acts are. Left unchecked, it can escalate into a relationship where someone feels trapped, powerless, and unable to trust their own instincts.  There are eight widely recognised warning signs to be aware of, including love bombing and gaslighting. They might not all show up at once, and in isolation, they’re not always 100% indicative that coercive control is happening.

1. Love bombing

Love bombing is when someone showers you with extreme affection, attention, praise, or gifts very early in a relationship. It might look like over-the-top declarations ("You’re my soulmate!" "I’ve never felt this way before!") or pressure to move in together or become exclusive after just a few weeks. They might also get upset if you try to pump the brakes or set boundaries, perhaps suggesting it’s because you “don’t care as much as they do.” At first, being the recipient of love bombing can feel exciting and flattering. But beneath the surface, it serves to build immense emotional dependency and loyalty–before you’ve even had the time to properly suss them out.

What love bombing isn’t:

Not everyone who’s enthusiastic early in a relationship is love bombing. Some people genuinely develop strong feelings quickly, without any intent to manipulate. The key difference is how they respond to your boundaries. While a respectful partner will respect your pace, a love bomber will guilt you, pressure you, or sulk if you try to set limits.

2. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a deliberate form of emotional manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity. They might deny things you know happened ("I never said that"), twist the truth ("You’re just being dramatic"), or blame you for things that aren't your fault. The goal is to make you question your judgement and chip away at your confidence and autonomy, making you more reliant on them.

Over time, gaslighting can lead you to second-guess yourself constantly, feel confused about what’s real, and lose trust in your own instincts.

What gaslighting isn’t:

Gaslighting isn’t just disagreeing with someone or having a different perspective. People can forget details or see events differently without it being abusive. Gaslighting involves a pattern of intentional manipulation, where the goal is to destabilize your sense of reality, not just win an argument or defend a point.

3. Establishing victimhood

Early in the relationship, a coercive controller might share stories about how they've been hurt by others — and make you feel like you're their "only hope." Comments like, "If you ever left me, I don’t know how I’d live," create pressure to stay, no matter how bad they treat you.

4. Isolation

A controlling partner might slowly separate you from your friends and family. It might seem like they’re just protective, but over time it becomes “easier” to stay home and harder to maintain other relationships.

5. Monitoring activity and restricting autonomy

Coercive partners might insist on you sharing your location, demand to see your messages, or control your finances. In some friend groups, tracking each other with Snap Maps or Find My Friends is normal, but it crosses a line when it's demanded or monitored obsessively.6. Enforcing trivial demandsCoercive controllers often set random, ever-changing rules. If you follow them, you’re rewarded with affection. If you break them–even unknowingly–you’re punished with silence, insults, or threats.

7. Degradation and humiliation

They use what they know about your fears and insecurities to tear you down, often in private but sometimes in front of others.

8. Threats, intimidation, and violence

Sometimes coercive control escalates to physical violence. But even before that point, threats (like breaking your things, hurting themselves, or leaking private information) are used to maintain control.

Coercive control thrives in silence, isolation and confusion. The more we talk about it, the harder it becomes for controlling behaviors to hide in plain sight. You deserve relationships built on trust, respect, and autonomy–not fear, dependency, or control.